I’m just sitting here on a Saturday night, bored out of my mind. I guess this is life of a fresh college alum x unemployment.
While I sit here with my mind running a million miles per hour, I’ve realized a few things. I’ve come a long way. Ever since the day or whenever I got Trich, I’ve been battling and struggling. Growing up wasn’t easy. I wasn’t the most confident girl. I struggled with my weight, my acne, and trich. It’s been years….
I’ve been insecure about my body for the longest time, even til this day. My siblings are blessed with my father’s genes- very slim and tall. I’m the complete opposite. Petite and what I call myself “fat”.
However, after being on different antibiotics and topical treatment, my acne is starting to be under control. My bald spots are starting to fill in-still sparse looking, but it’s been improving. Trich free? Not yet.
I break down a lot. I cry a lot. Silent tears, all the time. I keep telling myself that I’m a weak girl. I get so easily overwhelmed with all these emotions and thoughts and it easily gets bottled up. I question myself all the time- why is this happening to me? Why am i getting this treatment? What have I done in the past to deserve this? Why me? Why am i struggling so hard to fight it?
I cave in.
But I’ve realized, all and all, I’ve endured. I’m still fighting, and I’m not quitting. I may have lost a couple battles, but I haven’t lost the war.
I just want to say I’m proud of myself. *pats own back*
So in my last post, I was saying how I have all the time in the world to battle Trich. However, I just realized that I also have all the time in the world to do nothing (i mean it is summer.) but pull.
I need to develop a plan or something. Something so I can keep my hands busy.
Now that i have graduated college, my goal this summer is to end Trich. I have all the time in the world to focus and end this shit. It may be hard, but challenge accepted.
Trich, you will die.
Did I do something in my past to deserve this?
If everything happens for a reason.. why do I have Trich?
I have to put my hair up for graduation. It sucks I never accomplished growing my hair out long enough to have it down. It’s been almost a year and a half since my hair has been up in a ponytail 24/7:’(
I’ve been pulling so damn much. bald spots everywhere. …
Lately, I’ve been pulling my eyelashes. NOT intentionally….. at the end of the day I’ve been taking my mascara off with my fingers. I don’t know why I like to do that.. possibly because I’ve never had mascara that comes off that easily and I’m just somehow fascinated.
Obviously it’s not good because I just accidently take out eyelashes =[
sigh I hope this isn’t going to be an obession.. cause I love my lashes. I’m asian and I’m blessed with eyelashes that arent straight and short…..
sigh
